FACT: Many victims love their partners despite the abuse, blame themselves, or feel as if they have no support system or resources outside of the relationship and so they feel as if they can’t leave.
Furthermore, the period immediately after leaving an abusive relationship is extremely dangerous.
Batterers will tell the victim, "You made me mad," or, "You made me jealous," or will try to shift the burden by saying, "Everyone acts like that." Most victims try to placate and please their abusive partners in order to de-escalate the violence.
The batterer chooses to abuse, and bears full responsibility for the violence.
Example of Victim-Blaming Attitude: “She must have provoked him into being abusive.
They both need to change.” Reality: This statement assumes that the victim is equally to blame for the abuse, when in reality, abuse is a conscious choice made by the abuser.
Victim-blaming attitudes marginalize the victim/survivor and make it harder to come forward and report the abuse.
Additionally, abuse is not about individual actions that incite the abuser to hurt his partner, but rather about the abuser’s feelings of entitlement to do whatever he wants to his partner.
When friends and family remain neutral about the abuse and say that both people need to change, they are colluding with and supporting the abusive partner and making it less likely that the survivor will seek support.
FACT: While the majority of victims of domestic violence are women, men may also be victims of relationship violence.
Men face many of the same barriers as women that prevent them from reporting abuse, but also face a different kind of stigma since many do not believe that men can be victims of dating/domestic violence.